Recently while having a chance to catch my breath I traveled back down to Maryland to visit my family and friends back home. I had one buddy getting married (Congrats again Tim & Kelly!!), another buddy getting back from Marine boot camp (Congrats Sean you finally learned how to tan properly), and my dads 77th birthday (congrats dad for being awesome!) going on all in the span of about four days so I had alot to keep me busy. This didn’t stop me from catching up on our gastronautical quest though. While my mom and I scoured the local grocery store one day I spotted pigs tails. Thats right you heard me correctly. Pigs tails. Now these aren’t the cute curly things you’re expecting. They kind of looked like fingers or something. I had no idea what I was going to do with them but as we wandered throughout the store I built the meal in my head. The small brain in my stomach probably helped construct this disaster too. It would be a breakfast of epic proportions. We already had the pigs tails. So I also grabbed thick cut bacon, maple sausage, honey ham, scrapple, pork roll, and sausage gravy and with our cart loaded to bear with bodacious breakfast meats we went on our merry way. It all sat for a couple days while I tried to figure out what we would do with the pig tails. I did some research as to what would be the best solution and found a relatively easy one online.
To cook the tails I would boil them on the stove in a pot of water for about half an hour to clean them off. After that I clean out all the scum from the pot and change the water out for cold water and let it sit for a while before adding some seasoning and boiling it again for two to three hours. I used a combo of onion and garlic power, salt and pepper, and some parsley. After the water boiled down I let them sit for a while before putting them into the oven to roast at 375 degrees for about forty-five minutes. Or just leave them in there until crispy and golden brown. They turned out to be pretty amazing like really good pork ribs or something. All crackly and juicy with a really good pork flavor. Not a whole lot of meat on the tails but still really flavorful. So the day had come and we decided to build this true breakfast of champions. We cooked up all the meats and reheated the pigs tails in the oven. My mom had also made some biscuits, fried eggs, and blueberry pancakes to pad the already artery clogging endeavor that lay before us.
I decided to unleash my inner architect and build a breakfast tower. Using biscuits as a base I built and built until it reached the sky and eclipsed the very sun. This angered Ra greatly. I topped it all off with a generous portion of sausage gravy and on top of that some ketchup for good measure (]because there wasn’t a single other vegetable included in this meal. Oops.) The pancakes kind of just sat there and looked on in horror as the pig tails provided support for this mammoth meat structure to the stars. I let it sit there in front of me for a while allowing the gravy to bond and possibly act as some kind of mortar support. I basked in its golden brown glow before diving right in face first. I made sure each bite had at least a little bit of each ingredient included. This combo of meats, I have to say, goes down in history as one of the great flavor combos. Like peanut butter and chocolate or something equally as delicious. You have creamy, crunchy, snappy, flaky, and meaty consistencies working together to provide for an interesting experience in your mouth (and in your soul.) As quickly as it was built it was gone, and me being its creator I would also be it’s un-creator. It was a very zen experience in a way. (Not really though.) My buddy Sean and I had big plans for the rest of the day, but literally after the last bite was taken we both passed out for a couple hours. Serious food coma. So as a Gastronaut I give pig tails a definite thumbs up and encourage anyone to give em a shot. I think they’re fairly safe if you don’t over think them and just look at it like any other piece of pork you might regularly eat. They’d probably just wind up in your hotdogs anyways. As a human being though I’d warn people from consuming that much meat that quickly that close together. If it’s been a while since you’ve had a really satisfying nap and you have some time then totally go for it!